


Ludwig's Babysitting Adventures

by Jupiterra



Series: Hetalia Monsters Universe [3]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Complete, Cute Kids, Fluff, M/M, POV Germany (Hetalia), Sea Monster Russia, Slice of Life, Tentacles, clean, rusame is not focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-15 10:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13611735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jupiterra/pseuds/Jupiterra
Summary: Ludwig Beilschmidt owes Ivan Braginsky, the terrifying representative of Russia, a favor. Determined to be rid of his debt, the German babysits Russia and America's notorious children for a few hours. What could possibly go wrong?Technically part 3 of the "We Are Monsters" series, This piece can be read as a standalone.





	1. Chapter 1

The German cracked his knuckles as he looked at the white colonial style house before him. From the perfectly clipped grass to the white washed porch, everything was pristine. You couldn't tell in the slightest that two adults and five children lived inside. 

This was it, Ludwig's moment to shine. Normally the living representative of Germany, The strict blond was the latest babysitter of America's and Russia's clever offspring. The situation was made ever stranger due to Russia being a cursed nation, trapped in the form of a vicious siren for centuries. It made for unusual children, or so Ludwig had heard.

“Wild demons!” Spain had wept.

“Children without Mercy!” France claimed, while nursing a broken arm.

Sissies, all of them. Ludwig had tamed feral wolves, and his own dogs could open a refrigerator on command. Five young ones would be nothing in comparison. More importantly, Ludwig wouldn't owe the terrifying Russian anymore favours. Ivan Braginsky was not a creature you wanted to owe anything to.

Finally approaching the door, Ludwig gave three sound knocks. A perfect amount. Already giving a good impression before he had even stepped inside.

A harassed America answered the door, yanking Germany inside without warning. “Bratwurst! You're here early! That's great. We have uh... lots of material to cover.” He greeted, his Hollywood smile dropping off a bit at the end.

“I brought a bag of activities.” Germany mentioned as he was dragged along. Arriving in the kitchen, the room reflected the style in the rest of the house. Modern streamlined design met colourful Russian clutter, battling for dominance. Terrible crayon art covered one entire side of the fridge.

The living symbol of Russia was at the kitchen sink, elbow deep in soapy water. Above the waist was a pale ash blonde built like a wall. Below the edge of his long black tunic, twelve strong looking tentacles held up his noteworthy bulk.

“Babysitter is here early, babe. Figured we could give him a quick tour.” Alfred loudly, walking over to roll up his spouse's sleeves before they became wet. “Da, go ahead. I need to find Vera. She ran off with a power tool while I was washing up.” Ivan dismissed with a wave, clearly at war with a cast iron pot right now.

“Okay. So... Here's the house layout...” Alfred began. German seating himself at the kitchen table, setting his satchel aside. The exact construction of the house was shown in fine detail, with neat little labels everywhere. Germany's eyes went wide with silent alarm at some descriptions.

“Anything with a red X is guns. So yeah, don't let the girls find any hidden guns. There's also a gun closet, and a sword closet upstairs. The lock is broken on the sword closet, but the kids don't know that so that's just a secret between us adults. Also, there's a chemical lab in Vanya's office, so don't let 'em play with it. Fire extinguishers and first aid kits are here... here... and here.”

As Alfred talked more, Ivan finished his task. He left the room, in an alien progressing of limbs that was fascinating. Ludwig had honestly never seen a tentacled sea creature the size of a man walking about on land. 

Attention pulled back to the blueprints rolled out before him, Ludwig regretted agreeing to this. There was at least 3 guns in every room. There was two rooms that no one was allowed to enter at all, only labelled in nonsensical Russian cursive. How could you keep five curious children alive in this death box of a house?

Thunderous Russian orders rumbled throughout the house, Russia's voice melodic yet petrifying. Five lesser voices responded “Yes Papa!” from upstairs in near unison.

It was an avalanche of kids coming down the stairs. There was no other way to put it. Five little girls swamped their Papa at the bottom of the stairs, sticking to his form with tight hugs. Technically Ivan was their Mama, but Germany learned years ago to say nothing on the matter. The Russian's moody temper was famous for a reason. He was just a infamously female sea monster, that had exclusively female offspring. Totally normal in crazy land.

Truthfully, all the little girls seemed largely harmless. They all wore rather cute dresses, hair done up in various simple styles with scrunchies or ribbons. Below the skirts, they were exactly like their not-mother, but the shades of pink varied on their many lower limbs. It was certainly the strangest family group hug Germany had ever seen.

So many tentacles.

“Introductions! Girls, let go so Papa can show you the new babysitter!” the Russian began, violet eyes twinkling. Ludwig had never seen the 'man' so proud before about anything. He really loved these kids. “This is Yekaterina, but Katya is fine. Katya, say hello.”

“Privet.” The young girl greeted softly. She hid soft lavender eyes behind dark blonde bangs, clad in a gentle floral dress. She looked ready to shrivel on the spot from so much attention.

“I'm Marina, but you can call me Inya! I'm the oldest, and the bestest. You smell like dogs. Did you know that?” another child of identical height greeted energetically, pushing ahead of the others. The child sported Ivan's lack of tan and near colourless hair in pigtails, but America's burning blue eyes. She apparently picked up her father's love of pop culture too, wearing a Spider-Man dress and Captain America hair clips.

Two other children, shorter than the others, simply stared through Ludwig's soul venomously. They reminded him of Belarus, but miniature with tentacles. They even dressed the same, right down to the hair ribbons. The only difference was one wore pale pink while the other wore black with pink stripes.

Ivan uttered an inhuman trill that broke their soul stealing gaze. The pink Belarus clone buried her face in Ivan's sheltering body, while the black dressed one outright hissed at Germany like a cat. Tiny sharp teeth were barred in the process. It was honestly a scary moment.

“Use words, Vera!” Alfred corrected sharply, putting on a rather impressive 'dad' face of authority. The girl wrinkled her button nose at the order, but followed it grudgingly. “Hello, I am Vera.” she said in wooden manner, clearly sulking.

“Don't go Papa. I love you. I'll be good. I'll give you kisses.” the pink one whined, voice muffled. Ivan sighed, his true fatigue showing with dark circles under his eyes. “It will only be four hours. I'm not dying.” he uttered tiredly. 

“Say hello to the babysitter.” Alfred repeated, pinching the bridge of his nose. The child resumed trying to destroy Germany silently with her dark purple eyes. “Oksanna Alfredovich Braginskaya, you start being nice or no steel head Salmon next Sunday.” he threatened.

The glare only intensified. “Privet.” she said with pure disdain. It might as well been a death threat.

That left only one child, according to Germany's mental checklist. This last one had America's deep tan and freckles, with short choppy hair the colour of gold. It complimented royal purple eyes, much like Russia's own. This one seemed the most mild of the bunch in temperament and clothes, wearing a pastel thing with glitter writing on it.

“Hello, I'm Irina.” the girl greeted sweetly, doing a strange curtsy. It was probably the sea creature equivalent of a bow or a handshake. “Lovely to meet all of you.” Germany replied in turn.

“Well... That's not all. There was a few things I did not say over the phone.” Ivan admitted, looking a little rosy in his very long black shirt. It took a minute to realize there was an equally dark cloth swaddle slung across his broad chest. The Russian delicately took a very small child out of the sling, nearby a baby... sea creature hybrid. Whatever the hell you called them. Germany didn't want to know.

It was faintly tan skin and freckles, with a mop of blonde on top. The young child looked at him with big deep blue eyes, like moonlit pools. “This is Anna. She was... unplanned, yes? But when are miracles ever scheduled? She is my little snowflake. Aren't you? My little sunflower kisses!” Ivan purred mid-sentence, distracted by the baby.

Anna giggled and smiled, immeasurably cute in her star patterned onesie. It was even complete with little baggy sleeves for each tentacle. Set on the table, the small child started crawling, if it could be called that, to Germany. The nation offered a thumb, and the young thing squeezed it enthusiastically with tiny hands while smiling. Those teeth looked awful sharp, yet really adorable.

“She already ate with everyone else, and had her poops, so you don't need to worry for the most part. But you have to keep her warm. She can't really regulate her own temperature yet. And she'll need a drink of water before bed.” America explained.

“Just wear her around the house while you do other things. Body heat is fine.” Ivan assured, dumping the fleecy black sling on the table. Little Anna let out the tiniest of shivers, frowning. Alfred scooped her up immediately, while Ivan shoved the kids out of the way to help Germany adjust the sling.

As soon as the baby was cuddled happily in her fabric shelter, the couple were at the door. Ivan was shimmying traditional pants around his alien tentacles as they twined themselves into two distinctive pillars that passed for legs. The revelation of weak 'legs' being tentacles six years ago had been a shock to everyone. Germany, and probably many others, felt downright stupid for having been fooled by the act so long.

Sure Russia always moved with slow plodding steps, and seemed totally incapable of running. Yes, he used canes a fair bit to get around. Ludwig had always assumed it was war injuries that never healed well, like Austria's weak knee, or America's shrapnel damaged eyes. The somewhat thick glasses weren't for decoration after all.

“So, don't call us unless the house is on fire, or one of them chops off another finger.” Alfred said casually, tossing a classy blazer over his jeans and shirt. Ivan, in 'human' mode, wore pants and a fluffy scarf that concealed his obvious neck gills.

“But if anything does happen, or my little angel is sad. If my precious little babies get hurt, You should call. Because it would break both my hearts if something happened.” Ivan rambled anxiously, nearly reaching out to his baby yet again. It had taken ten minutes of assuring the children's safety to get the stubborn ash blond this far along. It was surreal to see the cold blooded Russian conquerer acting so maternal and clingy.

America mouthed 'Do not call' behind him, doing a waving motion with his hands.

“Date time babe! We have reservations!” Alfred cheered, after kissing all the kids goodbye. Reluctantly, Ivan waved goodbye, and followed his husband out. Closing the door, Germany turned to face his new charges for the next four hours. The Belarus clones were already gone, scuttling upstairs. Irina, supposedly the mildest of the bunch from first impressions, was already wrestling her two screeching sisters to the ground in rough play.

This was going to be a very long night.


	2. Chapter 2

Taking a deep breath, Ludwig looked down to the bundle of joy in her sling. Anna looked back with sea blue eyes and giggled. She really was cute enough to disarm the most dangerous nations in the world.

Smiling, the German cooed at her. “Let's go find your sisters.” He marched up the steps. With three of the siblings wrestling downstairs and making plenty of noise, the creepy Belarus looking clones were the only ones unaccounted for.

The upstairs hall was dark, a lone flashlight dropped on the floor. It cast long shadows that caught on errant children's toys. It was almost spooky, but Germany had enough mind to know it was just coincidence. Edging around the toys like they were land mines, Germany felt the darkened walls for light switches.

“Oksanna, Vera, come down and play with your sisters. I brought all kinds of games.” he called out. No response. Reaching the end of the hall, he picked up the flashlight and looked around. “Oksanna, let's be reasonable.” Ludwig spoke into the shadows. His breathing stopped as the flickering halo of light settled on something awful.

It was the pink dressed one, Vera, sprawled out limp on the floor. Her eyes were still as blood was splattered everywhere. “Vera, Vera, no time for jokes, ja?” Ludwig sputtered, terrified. Right then, a slim but strong limb wrapped around his neck from above. It was cold and wet, like an unpleasant rope.

A tiny malicious voice thick with Russian accent whispered in his ear. “Call Papa and Dad or you're next.” Ludwig let out a tiny noise, doing his best to suppress the rising panic. If one of them was dead, he was dead! Angry mother Russia ripping him apart, one piece at a time.

The lights turned on suddenly, the three girls from downstairs looking into the disaster area of a child's bedroom. “You scared him good!” the oldest two girls chorused, and the blood splattered Vera started giggling. Oksanna in her black dress, was dangling perilously from a light fixture on the ceiling. How she got up there so quickly was a mystery.

“Did he pee himself like the last one?” the little girl asked, using Ludwig an improvised ladder to the floor. It was unnatural and strange to feel all twelve tentacles climbing down his body. Germany could feel the strength in each sucker and they secured a steely grip each time.

Heart still hammering, the paling German cracked a tiny smirk. “You got me. Maybe we can play a different game.” he suggested, hoping he wasn't betraying his nervousness. The thought of Ivan Braginsky brutally beating him senseless, again, still haunted him.

“Let's play Koschei the deathless!” Marina announced loudly. The patterned shirt of her spider-man dress fluttered as she moved with relative swiftness, followed by an avalanche of siblings.

“I call the princess!” “We're Koschei!” “I want the big sword this time!” “I wanna be a sparkly unicorn wizard instead of a raven wizard!” “Ancient Russia didn't have unicorns! Only witches!”

Unable to tell who was bickering, Germany peered into the hall. He almost had a heart attack. The girls were pulling out one sword after another from the “locked” sword closet. Oh god, they were going to sword fight with real swords in a cramped hall way. Oh god. Why did America and Russia even have a sword closet?

Ten minutes later, an extremely stressed Germany had miraculously convinced them all to play Monopoly instead. The long ashen haired twins had, not surprisingly, teamed up to stop the others. The quarrelling had yet to cease.

Ekaterina, very much the shy wall flower of the bunch, had settled for reading on the couch in the same room. Ludwig tried conversation with her a few times. She would only look at him with mysterious purple eyes, before retreating behind a curtain of dark blonde hair. Not much of a socialite, it seemed.

The monopoly game started out civil enough. Irina, arguably the most like America in appearance, was dominating one side of the board. Half way through her turn, a very upset Marina threw her property cards down. Shaking her head, pale pigtail braids bobbed. “No I'm not paying rent. You don't even have hotels on there anymore. It's checker pieces.”

Irina huffed indignantly, equally as competitive. “We all agreed checker pieces are fancy condos. And the rent isn't regulated on those. So give me all your money!”

“Never!” the other denied.

Vera and Oksanna weren't faring much better, sharing only three properties and $200 in monopoly money between them. “I'm not paying either!” one declared. “Revolution!” the other one cried out.

“Rise of the peoples! We are the Sparkle Unicorn Republic!” Marina protested, soon joined by her slightly younger sisters. In less than five turns, the game turned to total anarchy. The jail was now a “fairy fortress with laser guns” and TV remote controls were submarines in pitched battle over Parkplace avenue.

Truthfully, Germany didn't care what crazy rules they were running off of. As long as they stayed far away from the closet literally full of sharpened blades, any game at all was fine. Towards the end of the chaos, All four players looked to him in unison, eyes of varying blues and purple wide and innocent.

“Mr. Bail-Smith?” Vera asked, with such a sweet expression. It could render the most hardened soldier useless in a second.

“Beilschmidt.” Ludwig corrected for the fifth time.

Two of the kids were silently stumbling over his name in the background. The younger girl pressed on, ignoring the correction yet again. “Mister, can we have some grape juice? It's really far back in the fridge and we can't reach it.”

One of the oldest girls held Anna as she slept, nodding sagely. It was odd they volunteered to keep the baby warm for a bit, but a welcome relief. The cuddly blonde was surprisingly heavy for her size, a notable burden to wear all day. Russia's back must be sore from carrying Anna absolutely everywhere. Assuming the ancient 'man' felt pain at all. He probably didn't.

“Very well, juice for you.” Germany agreed, getting up. It was so strange the girls were behaving at all. Lost in thought, Ludwig didn't even see the wire trap as he walked down the hall. He tripped, the fall feeling like eternity. Smacking face first into the tiled kitchen floor, he blacked out.

Germany woke on a plush carpeted floor. He didn't recognize the red room at all, noting the massive American flag above a large bed. A small stack of murder mystery novels could be seen from his vantage point, next to a family photo at a beach. Russia looked really happy in the picture, which was odd, since he looked perpetually bored in person. Sitting up, Ludwig found himself chained to a dresser. The chains were strong, binding even him with ease. Able to see more, a horrible realization came to the strict blond.

This was America's and Russia's bedroom. Lots of weird and awful things had likely occurred here. Things Germany did not need to know about. Tugging more frantically on the chains, he knew he wasn't getting out of this predicament by standard means. He would have to use his hidden strength, usually ignored all but one week of every month.

Reaching inside, he could feel his inner beast, neglected and snarling for freedom. Letting the wild spirit possess him, Germany flopped to the floor in pain. Bones snapped and realigned and muscle shifted. No matter how many centuries passed, the sensations from shape shifting were always uncomfortable.

In minutes, ruined and stretched clothing lay beneath Ludwig, chains snapped and scattered. There now stood a noble wolf with near cyan eyes, his glossy coat peppered in colours of sand and dead leaves. Lycanthropy, as far as Ludwig was educated, was an inherited curse within the family.

Prussia's true form was a white wolf, eyes like bloody rubies. The obnoxious twit insisted grandfather Germania had been the biggest and baddest of all the wolves. The first werewolf ever to hunt before his death by roman blade. The height of a man, with jaws that could sheer centurion armour in half like cheap leather. It was all hardly believable.

Glancing around the room, the red room was now grey. Listening keenly, the wolf could hear children down stairs. The mind of a wolf, once harnessed, was no different from Ludwig's trained dogs. Wolves were single minded machines that never gave up on their tasks. A fixated thought burned in his mind now.

Find the baby.

Every room was alive with scent, especially this one. The married couple could at least try to clean up after mating rituals better. Germany crinkled his muzzle in displeasure, trotting out of the room. With great stealth, the largely immobile baby was an easy target to locate. She was gurgling on a floor, wrapped in an electric blanket like a burrito.

That was rather clever of the girls, if still negligent.

Lowering to the floor, Ludwig crawled forward tentatively. He absolutely dwarfed the vulnerable child in this form, the same as a man in general mass. Pressing a wet nose to the child's face, the happy creature rolled over to look at him. Despite the freaky tentacles, this kid was truly cute. Well not Italy cute. That was another level.

Glad wolves couldn't blush for emotional reasons, the German gently carried the baby in his large jaws. Capable of knocking down full grown elks in this form, the heavy baby was of no consequence. Spotting a comfy pile of children's coats by the door, he made himself at home. Circling the spot a few times out of basal compulsion, he curled up with the child.

The little girl figured out what was going on quickly, latching onto his furry coat for dear life. All twelve little tentacles meshed onto him and his limbs, impossible to nudge off. Evidently Ludwig was a fantastic heat source. A new thought came to mind.

Clean the baby.

Oh yes. Germany adored cleaning. Cleanliness was order. Order was good. Ludwig liked to think he was a good nation these days. Since he couldn't communicate in this form, the best he could do was keep the baby safe. Hopefully the girls didn't cause too much damage. Without hands, or the ability to talk, his complex world was mostly unmanageable.

But cleaning he could do! Licking what he could clean, the wolf was content to watch the little one wiggle about, nestled against his side. “Wuuh!” The child declared, looking at him with wide blue eyes. Ludwig gave a lick in response, wondering if she already knew the word for his kind.

The noise attracted Russian chattering two rooms over. Catching fragmented bits of Runglish, Ludwig picked out “Where”, “baby” and “mad Papa”. Wasn't much of a leap to assume the silly children had discovered their young sister missing. Marina bust into the main area by the door, wielding a butcher's knife and a pot for a hat.

“Show yourself ghosts! What dimension did you steal my baby sis to!?” she heralded, so much like her Dad. Ludwig was not impressed, not bothering to raise his head. Upon spotting their transformed babysitter, she screamed “Wolf!”

“What are you talking about sister?” Vera and Oksanna answered in unison, creepy as always. They appeared behind their pale sibling holding hands. They acted like they were a fusion of the twins from 'The Shining' and a H. P. Lovecraft horror story. Nothing less could be expected from a mating of the manic American and Russian. A living incarnation of their various malfunctions.

Dropping the blade, the oldest girl looked terrified. “Please don't eat Anna, Mr. Wolf.” She appealed in a tiny voice. Catching even Ludwig off guard, an enigmatic Yekaterina appeared at his side in her swaying floral dress. The girl pulled back her long locks, Dark purple eyes unreadable. It reminded the wolf of Japan's mysterious expressions, like wooden carvings.

“No. It's the babysitter.” she said, barely above a whisper. Every movement she made was silent, even of those pale pink tentacles lurking closer. It was unnatural to say the least.

“No way that's the babysitter. Dad isn't cool enough to hire magic wolves.” Irina protested, appearing next to Marina.

“How is it a magic wolf?” Vera argued, while her duplicate crossed her arms.

“Because only magic wolves could cash Papa's checks. Assuming Papa doesn't kill them.” Marina added wisely.

Ludwig's ears flattened anxiously at this possibility. Despite being much stronger now, Ivan's blatant strength could rip him in two. The otherworldly Slav was still a partial superpower of sorts. “Are you Mr. Beilschmidt.” the ghost of a child next to him asked. After a second, the wolf did an awkward nod. The now cramped space exploded with girly squeals.

“Daddy bought us a magic wolf!” “This is so cool!” “I wanna pet him!” “Let's feed him people food!” “Let's go to the park! I bet he likes chasing stuff!” “But Papa said...”

As ridiculous as this all was, Ludwig had to stay on task. Even if chasing squirrels sounded like a lot of fun. When the children headed to the door, the massive German wolf left his baby vigil to block the exit. His brief snarl was a clear 'no way in hell' in any language. The girls got the message, uttering something fifty times worse.

“Makeover!”

An hour later, Ludwig was a miserable pile of beast in the living room. The barren truth of Lycanthropy that movies always missed was the duration. Even with the most chivalrous of intentions, the condition was spectacularly painful to engage and long lasting. It took hours to wear off, sometimes days if the moon was full. Without Italy here to defend his condition, Ludwig silently suffered as his glorious fur was bunched in terrible Captain America clips and tufted braids. His claws were painted hot pink.

He had to endure this and be the manliest man here. Rather, the most dignified wolf. He was essentially hired to distract a small crowd of children for four hours straight. If he could organize Italian troops to stop napping, he could do this.

A completely plastered Russia came home forty minutes late, trailed by Alfred covered in red wine stains. “I think that's the best time I have ever had at an aquarium.” he replied to some unknown question. Ivan turned to him, ruddy with inebriation and lust. “Let's have three more kids.” he slurred in heavily accented English, having to lean on his husband for support.

“No babe. You're drunk. Go to bed.” Alfred dismissed lightly, pushing the drunkard off. Ivan giggled as he fell over, sinking to the floor. Spotting Ludwig being tortured by the children, the American took on a serious expression. “Vanya, go to bed, 'kay? I'll get the girls ready for sleep time.”

After twenty minutes, the yawning gaggle of girls had finally settled in for the night. The absurdly drunk Russian was fast asleep, having been brought to bed by his partner. That left a sleeping Anna in her sling as Alfred analyzed the wolf with critical eyes. The look seemed almost cold.

“I talked to Gil earlier, he said this may happen. Takes ages to wear off. So I'm just going to guess what happened here.” he began sternly, his glasses glinting. Ludwig swallowed but did nothing, sitting at military still attention. “There's blood all over the kitchen, and a wire trap still set up. They asked for the grape juice at the very back of the fridge. They even took care of Anna for you. You thought 'hey what's the harm' and you conked out after hitting the floor. Right so far?”

Ludwig nodded, panting a little out of worry.

“The sex chains upstairs are ruined and there's wolf hair fuckin' everywhere. So... you wolfed out after being chained up, then the girls painted you like a street walker.” Alfred concluded, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Sex chains. Oh god. Ludwig needed three baths after this. The beast nodded again, feeling disgusting.

There was a long stretch of silence, then Alfred broke into raucous laughter. “You held up your end of the bargain, bratwurst. Here's a cheque for $400, and a ticket to get home. We are super grateful by the way. You're the first sitter we haven't had to bring to the hospital! We have no guest rooms but you have the couch to finish... wolfing out. The envelope is here with your stuff.” American spoke, patting the payment sitting on top of newly provided clothes.

“So I'll take your wolfy silence as a 'Yes, I would love to take the kids in two months so Alfred can get smashed on his birthday'. You're the best, Lud! If you need like, nation strength painkillers, I left some on the table with water. There's a key to lock the door when you leave. There's salmon casserole in the fridge... so... Good Night!” America pushed on, paying no heed to what Germany thought was perfectly clear body language. The moment the werewolf was left alone, he whimpered.

Babysitting these devils for a second time. Oh dear unmerciful god.

**Author's Note:**

> Like what you see? Comment or leave a Kudos!


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